DC CHRISTMAS PLATE or MAN, I AM GOING STRAIGHT TO HELL

I have a number of comments and observations pertaining to this issue.

Superman has a rather pleasant look on his face and is inviting Batman to come in.  Secretly he’s thinking, “Great Rao, Bruce, get that batarang out of your ass and join the Rao damn party.”

Why is Plastic Man giving Hal Jordan a back rub?

Plastic Man is also checking out Superman’s behind.  It’s why he wears the sunglasses, by the way.  That way he can just stare and stare and no one will notice.

Hawkman is not having a good time because Hawkman NEVER has a good time.

Hawkgirl is about five seconds from telling Carter that he needs to get the mace out of his ass and have a good time or so help her Ra she is leaving him and shaking up with Green Arrow.  She doesn’t care that Green Arrow is with Dinah because secretly Dinah’s into that kind of thing and Hawkgirl knows this.

Wonder Woman is enjoying herself because the pagan nature of the Christmas tree appeals to her upbringing.

Aquaman really wants to ask Zatana out.  Zatana doesn’t even know he’s alive.

Zatana…I really have nothing here.  Zatana is just having a good time and misses her Dad.  I mean he’s dead, right?  Has DC retconned that yet?

Captain Marvel doesn’t get any of the jokes that Ollie tells, but he laughs anyway so he doesn’t look like a dork.

Barry so wants to call him out on that.

Ollie is secretly thinking how awesome it would be to bag Hawkgirl and Black Canary at the same time and be part of a Pretty Bird Sandwich.

Dinah wants to leave Ollie for Hawkgirl.

What…in the hell…is Red Tornado drinking?

J’onn is on his fifth Manhattan and is getting to be a bit of a jerk.

Batman is thinking about how he is an orphan at Christmas time.  Because Batman is ALWAYS thinking about the fact that he is an orphan and everyone wants to tell him to knock that crap off but he has those files on how to kill them so they keep quiet and Batman really, really likes that.

Oh well, I think I’ve done enough today to ensure my place in Hell.  I swear my next two Christmas posts will be much more festive and not as snarky.

At least that’s the plan.

More to follow…

THREE DECADES AGO

I was reminded of this via a friend over at Live Journal.

30 years ago today Superman: The Movie opened.

I cannot express in words (or at least in the words it would take with my lack of glasses) what this film means to me.  I have issues with it, but as with anything a person loves there are problems, but overall this is one of my all time favorite films of all time.

Thirty years ago we were taught a man could fly.  Thirty years later I still believe.

More to follow…

SIGHT STILL NOT SO HOT FOR EXTENDED POSTING

Sad but true.  I cannot look at the screen and type for extended periods of time.  But, just to poke my head in and say hi I thought I would share this.

There are several things to say to this.

“That.  Poor. Dog.”

Big Honkin’s exact words.

Or

“My dog has rebelled.  She’s not speaking to us anymore, she’s listening to the wrong kind of music and her hair is green!  Where did I go wrong?”

Or, more to the comic book point.

“Oh no!  My dog has stumbled into my eighties Marvel collection!  Why did she have to read those issues of Daredevil and Punisher?  Why was there always that one guy with a freaking mohawk?  I have failed as a father!”

Heh heh heh

More to follow…

NOT A WHOLE LOT OF POSTING THIS WEEK…PROBABLY

Last week my glasses broke.

There I was, sitting in bed, petting the dog and suddenly my lens pops out of my glasses.  Surprisingly this was not too surprising.  My glasses were nearing the end of their run and I knew this because the screw in the right side was getting progressively looser and every once in a while the lens would just…fall out.  Why didn’t I get new glasses when this started?  I have no idea.  I’m like that.  Until a problem is thrusting itself in my face I tend to ignore it.  So the lens falls out, I sit up and realize that the lens popped out not because of the screw on the right side but because the frame snapped off at the top right near the bridge.

Crap.

With help from the wife the glasses were “repaired” and I was upset because I really didn’t have the money to get the situation fixed.  That’s just how the situation is and I was rather…distraught.  Rachel calmed me down and with the glasses somewhat in one piece I knew I could get through to this week when I could afford to get my eyes examined and new glasses.

Today I went to the optometrist and had my eyes checked out.  I actually like this new eye doctor that I am going to.  He was an affable guy who sat there and explained why I am kind of unlucky in the bad eyesight department.  I am far sighted in one eye and near sighted in the other.  This presents a certain number of problems mainly because my brain is constantly trying to focus and really can’t because things aren’t even which leads it to, every once in a while, tell my left eye to take a rest while it tries to sort things out.  This causes my left eye to be “lazy”.  I find it amusing that given my constant struggle with most issues and seeing all sides of said issues that even my eyes can’t agree on what to do.

So they had me look through the funky machines, they did the pressure test and then came my favorite part, the dilation of my eyes.  A couple of drops and suddenly my eyes are tricked into thinking that it’s really, really dark.  Boo yah.  Everything checks out, though.  My eyes are slightly worse than last time but nothing terrible until I’m forty apparently.  I picked out a new pair of frames that closely resembled my current pair and looking through those frames drove home several points, the first being that my face is rather uninteresting and that glasses help this situation.  It’s why I have facial hair, really.  Well, that and my wife likes it and points and laughs when I shave it off claiming that I look like I’m 12.  She wants me to grow a beard, but I have done so in the past and always felt that a full on beard makes me look like the type of guy that shows up on your doorstep one day to say, “Hey, yeah.  My name is Michael and because of Meagan’s Law I have to tell you I moved in down the street.”

The other point is that there the a simple change in frame design means the difference between me looking studious and me looking like a complete and utter dork.  Rectangular = fine.  Round = where’s my pocket protector, yo?  Seriously.  It was kind of jarring.  I mean I knew I couldn’t go “old man” nor could I get “stylish” frames because, well, that’s just not me.  I’m a simple soul.  Flashy only describes a certain portion of my comic book collection.  Sure I have this thing for button downs that look like David Banner should be taking them off a laundry line, but still.  I was amused by the whole thing really, but still.  Weird.

While they were checking my eyes and playing tricks on them one of the guys tried to further fix my glasses, which failed miserably.  The glasses finally broke beyond repair, so I am without glasses until the new ones come in.  This added to the several hours where bright light and focusing were damn near impossible and I wasn’t in the best of moods today.

I really don’t know how this is going to affect my posting here this week.  Staring at the computer screen is proving…difficult.  Annoying really.  I wanted to get a lot more done this week, but I don’t know how well that’s going to work out.  I mean this post is turning out kind of long and I am regretting that the more I type.  So I don’t know how loud or quiet I’ll be this week. Thought y’all might like the heads up.

More to follow…at some point…